Man in the Mirror: Opposite Day

I have an inferiority complex. I'm too short. I'm too lanky. I can't grow a beard. My voice cracks too much. My voice trails off. I'm too quiet. I'm too shy. I'm too socially awkward. I'm too emotionally detached. I'm too lazy. I'm too fat. I can't grow a beard. My eyebrows are too bushy. My hair is too thick. My nose is too bulbous. I'm too sensitive. I'm too unambitious. I lack initiative. I'm not good enough.

Man in the Mirror VII

So one time I was riding back home after a weekend at a cottage. The trip was about an hour and half and I was sitting in the backseat behind the driver. So when you're in this spot, you can easily see yourself in the rearview mirror.

You can probably see where this story is going. I'm the classic narcissist, right? (well not literally the classic Narcissus). The majority of the ride was spent by me looking at my reflection in said mirror. Sunglasses. No sunglasses. What if I turn my head like this. Run my hand through my hair. Handsome muthafucker.

I don't think she noticed.

Man in the Mirror: Shameless

So I have this friend, let's call him Lions Can Maul. Yeah, I feel like I'm writing into Ann Landers or Dear Abby or Dan Savage. So Lions, he pretty much would like to fuck all his female friends. This is a fact.

At first thought, it was kind of despicable. I thought this, despite not having any morals of my own. Okay, that's not true, just not any traditional morals. But then you know I started to agree with it. For myself, that is. As the days go by, and the more and more female friends I make, and the ones I actively try be with friends with, are the ones I want to. I've resolved to be a horrible person, yes. But I'd rather be an interesting man than a kind man.

Man in the Mirror: Hyperreal II

What is it when "I like brown girls" becomes I act like "I only like brown girls?" Parody?!

Man in the Mirror: Hyperreal

Does the fact that I act as a parody of my real self make my existence postmodern?

Man in the Mirror III

Living in a basement apartment, I have low ceilings. So naturally things like the bathroom mirror are a little lower too. How disconcerting is it to see your headless body, paraded like a slab of meat, put all on display like an object? I'm a person too, damnit.

Man in the Mirror II

First thing I do when I come in the door is look in the mirror to see how handsome I looked on the walk home.

Man in the Mirror

Do you ever look in the mirror and think, "you're the one I want to be with"?

Yeah, I'm kind of a narcissist. Which kind? The worst kind.