Words Are Our Friends: Friend

Friend. Fuhrieeend. Frined. Friend. FRIEND. F-R-I-E-N-D. Sometimes when I see the word friend written out, I just don't recognize it. What is this word? I ponder to myself. Is that spelled right? "I before E except after C"--Isn't that the rule? What is this shit? It's got to be spelled right. But then I'm like no, friend, that's right, that's how it's spelled, I know it deep down. Instincts are wrong, conditioning is right. I don't know where this aphasia comes from, but suspect it must be psychological, right? And just like our language determines the manner in which we think, I believe it must be the manner in which I think that overdetermines my reaction to the word friend.

Audience Demographics

Yesterday, we had "the talk."

But let's follow up, see how we're doing one day later.

Specifically, there was mentioned on having a certain audience. Some of us would rather play to certain audiences. And this can be different from person to person. This reminds of something from "the dread" years a.k.a. high school.

So there's a bunch of us sitting in class. It's a small glass. And all guys. This is not technically true. As this class is actually two courses, and segregated as such. But this class, I speak of was this second year version of the other half of the class. Just the other half outnumbered this half by at least four hundred percent but not more. None of this is really important.

So we're talking to our teacher, maybe, or watching a video, or a teacher is trying to get us to be quiet and get back to work, or watching that video, but we're a bunch of guys and are belligerent as such. Now, we're seated in about two rows and I'm at the end of the row, farthest away from everything.

So with all this talk, or video or whatever, there is the opportunity to make light of, to take advantage of the material, to comic, often hi-larious (patent pending), effect.

But me, being me, am telling jokes, perhaps subtly, but definitely conversationally to the guy next to me.

And this guy, being this guy, is retelling the jokes, loudly and to everyone else in the class, literally word for word, and getting laughs from all.

Now I would call this guy my friend, but I was proud of who I was, and I did not envy him.

All I Know I

All I know is my phone doesn't ring.

Running Joke I: Your Friends

Your friends all meet regularly to talk about you.

Man in the Mirror: Shameless

So I have this friend, let's call him Lions Can Maul. Yeah, I feel like I'm writing into Ann Landers or Dear Abby or Dan Savage. So Lions, he pretty much would like to fuck all his female friends. This is a fact.

At first thought, it was kind of despicable. I thought this, despite not having any morals of my own. Okay, that's not true, just not any traditional morals. But then you know I started to agree with it. For myself, that is. As the days go by, and the more and more female friends I make, and the ones I actively try be with friends with, are the ones I want to. I've resolved to be a horrible person, yes. But I'd rather be an interesting man than a kind man.