How to Tell Only Fifty Percent of Your Jokes

How to Tell Only 50% of Your Jokes?

You have a set-up line designed to elicit a response. Like a knock, knock. Only not so obvious. This way there's no certainty you'll ever get your desired response. I do this all time. And am mostly disappointed.

Example 1: If I say "I think I fell down a hill," I don't want you to respond with "You fell down a hill?" Your response should be "You think?"

This method is mired in disappointment, though, and is only for the brave at heart. There will be rejection. There will be discarded punchlines. Do not fret, you will have to let them go. They belong to the ether, and the ether will reward you some other way.

Besides, they might not have elicited the laughs you might have thought. Which is kind of the point. I would rather tell the joke that makes the a couple of people in the room laugh than the one that makes the whole room laugh. That way I know who are the good people.

Example 2: If I say something gay, the response I'm looking for is along the lines of "your gay." This way I can tell my gay joke. Don't be all awkward and not respond at all.

Misogyny: You know, for kids I

Introduction: I generally like to convince people I am one horrible shell of a human being. But one thing the internet doesn't do is sarcasm. Not to say I'm not a horrible shell of a human being, but I am not a misogynist. No, that's too simple; I'm a misanthrope.

(From the Archives:) A Conversation Inspired by a Letter to Savage Love

Re: HARD: I'm not really sure what the point of your recent exercise in audience manipulation was, Dan, except to point out how crazy we bitches are. OMG, different women have different ideas about how to talk to a woman?! What a fucking revelation!

We're not a single, irrational monster made out of pussies, Dan, although I'm sure you've had nightmares to that effect.

People have different perceptions about how to talk to a woman versus how to talk to a man about the same subject. Does that make them guilty of thought crime? Oh, yeah, I forgot. We're just irrational, insane pussy monsters. We have to have inconsistencies between us pointed out by a sane, rational man. Thank you, Dan. Thank you for setting us… straight. It's just like I've always said. Gay men are no less misogynistic than straight men. They just have no reason to pretend to be nice to us.

Fat Happy Bitch

Justin says:
"We're not a single, irrational monster made out of pussies" that'll be my nightmare from now on

Phil says:
really?

Phil says:
I thought I finally had an exciting new fantasy

Justin says:
its not quite vagina dentata scary... but irrational pussy monster.... i'm afraid, i don't want to sound like a square here, but i can handle only one pussy per woman

Phil says:
oh man, you're missing out

Justin says:
you kids and your new fads can have the rest, though

Phil says:
I tend to just think of women as walking pussies anyways

Justin says:
you'd make the greatest caricature artist

Phil says:
every guy who comes by gets the most detailed, perfect representation
every girl is the same walking huge pussy
indiscriminate of age