Old Timey I: Abe Simpson
"Maggie, your babysitters here. What's that mean? Ohhh, you must be sick! Lets see, what's old doc Washburn prescribe? Do you have dropsy? The grip? Scrofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic boo bow? The staggers? Dum dum fever?"
- Marge Gets a Job, Season 4
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."
- Last Exit to Springfield, Season 4
"Ah , there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957 I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three, medium brown."
- Homer and Apu, Season 5
"I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and, where are you going? [...] Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
- Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Season 5
"I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine. With a vulcanized rubber listening tube which ya crammed in your ear. The tube would go in easier with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shomways... Oh! I'm sorry."
- Lady Bouvier's Lover, Season 5
"I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missoura!"
- Homer Badman, Season 6
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it."
- A Star is Burns, Season 6
"Oh, jeeh, you're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane. At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimbleful of corn oil. Single handedly won us the Civil War, it did."
- Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, Season 7
"Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions."
- Two Bad Neighbors, Season 7
"Now! Hey, listen! Now, my story begins in 19 dickety two. We had to say dickety 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety six miles."
- Raging Abe Simpson and his Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish", Season 7
"Alright, ya got me. The story of the Simpson family began in the Old Country. I forget which one exactly. My dad would drone on and on about America. He thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Sliced bread having been invented the previous winter."
- Much Apu About Nothing, Season 7
"Dang right. Fact is, I invented kissing. It was during World War I and they were looking for a new way to spread germs..."
- The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase, Season 8
"Oh, I know this story! The year was nineteen aught-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart and all over America people were doing a dance called the Funky Grampa! Oh I'm the..."
- Lisa's Sax, Season 9
I guess maybe we should end with what my definition of Old Timey is: a stereotyped vision of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century (or really any time period that's convenient for me). Sort of an imagined memory of the past. Got it? Good.
- Marge Gets a Job, Season 4
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."
- Last Exit to Springfield, Season 4
"Ah , there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957 I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three, medium brown."
- Homer and Apu, Season 5
"I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and, where are you going? [...] Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
- Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Season 5
"I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine. With a vulcanized rubber listening tube which ya crammed in your ear. The tube would go in easier with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shomways... Oh! I'm sorry."
- Lady Bouvier's Lover, Season 5
"I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missoura!"
- Homer Badman, Season 6
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it."
- A Star is Burns, Season 6
"Oh, jeeh, you're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane. At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimbleful of corn oil. Single handedly won us the Civil War, it did."
- Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, Season 7
"Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions."
- Two Bad Neighbors, Season 7
"Now! Hey, listen! Now, my story begins in 19 dickety two. We had to say dickety 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety six miles."
- Raging Abe Simpson and his Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish", Season 7
"Alright, ya got me. The story of the Simpson family began in the Old Country. I forget which one exactly. My dad would drone on and on about America. He thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Sliced bread having been invented the previous winter."
- Much Apu About Nothing, Season 7
"Dang right. Fact is, I invented kissing. It was during World War I and they were looking for a new way to spread germs..."
- The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase, Season 8
"Oh, I know this story! The year was nineteen aught-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart and all over America people were doing a dance called the Funky Grampa! Oh I'm the..."
- Lisa's Sax, Season 9
I guess maybe we should end with what my definition of Old Timey is: a stereotyped vision of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century (or really any time period that's convenient for me). Sort of an imagined memory of the past. Got it? Good.
posted by justin | 3:00 p.m.
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