Why Old People Like Children

So, I was riding on the world class-St. Catharines Transit today and there was this old man of indeterminate origin sitting on the sideways benches at the front across from the blond I was trying to check out (although, there was a graph in the book she was reading; never a good sign).

So this woman and child get on the bus and she sets the child down next to the old man before she goes and pays her toll or hits on the bus driver or whatever. The old man obviously takes the initiative to act as temporary guardian of the child because old people love children, right? This creeps me out.

Although, I doubt it creeps the child out. I mean it's a child; it probably has tons of experience with old people. Pinching cheeks and what not. Probably even has grandparents. Two full sets even (collect them all). There was really nothing at all wrong with the situation. It's really my problem: old people creep me out.

But it got me thinking: why do old people like children? For their youth, of course.

Old People are vampires.

Their interest lies in stealing, or soul sucking, the youth off of children. They suck the life out of you just like they suck the fun out of life.

Furthermore, they are reverse vampires. They can't go out at night. The night is cold, and soul-dampening. And it explains their fondness for early bird dinners (besides the fact that old people are cheap).

Society's only solution is to fight fire with proverbial fire.

Old people need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.